[29 Dec 2009|01:23am] manda_neko [ mood | amused ] [ music | I've Got My Mind Set on You - George Harrison ] New Year's Resolution: Dive into all these things that I've become ambitious about.. You know, I wonder... These ambitions that I've suddenly gotten.. I used to be so fearless.. FEARLESS. It was damn near my middle name. You should've seen the things I could do.. But then something changed. Not sure what -exactly-.. It was after we moved to this accursed state.. and after I was finally off the Ritalin.. Thinking back, I think my whole family got down.. A lot to do with the climate change, I'm sure. 'Bout Freshman year of High School I became so angry.. And really for not MUCH good reason. Nothing too major, anyway.. Mom was a horrible shrew, but the name-calling and grounding (for no other reason sometimes than that she was PMSsing..) and nonsense didn't phase me a whole lot... Pissed me off more.. I resented her quite a bit.. And does anyone remember FTW DAY!?? FUCK I forgot about that.. MARCH 26TH MOTHERFUCKERS!! Senior year was... interesting.. I came out of my shell, but also retracted inward. I began to dress a little differently.. I had gone from wearing huge jeans and large baggy shirts as a Freshman, to black trenchcoats, fishnets and the most furious and intimidating scowl one could muster in Sophomore/Junior year.. But as a Senior I wore at least flare-leg jeans and regular fitting shirts.. But I think it was at this time that I retreated into my own head.. Sort of came to the conclusion that I'm pretty much 2 people in my head.. or just.. 2 people.. in me.. Logic and reason being one, and intuition and instinct being the other.. Neither can be ignored.. Nor do I want to ignore them. I use this to see both sides of most situations.. All the same, I started daydreaming heavily.. More than I ever really had.. Looking back through entries, ( this quiz came from like, 4 years ago.. ) Not sure HOW exactly I was going to make the point I was going to make.. Or if I was going to say more.. But it is simply that I think I've at least regained a little bit of my fearlessness. I still prefer my fantasies.. But I think there's some spontaneity that's returned.. some boldness.. some lustre. Hmm... Was going to be more profound in this.. more... words escape me.. New bed. Tonight will be the last night we sleep on the old one, if we choose to do that.. The memory foam thingy is pretty much expanded to full size after being taken out of it's vacuum-sealed shrinky bag, so it may be ready to sleep on. Avatar tomorrow with sister. Fuck I love that movie. This will be the 3rd time I go to it. You may call me Toruk Makto. Also: GONNA JUMP IN A LAKE ON THE 1ST AT NOON. PEOPLE SHOULD COME WITH ME! WOOO!!! post comment

Attention! [21 Dec 2009|08:13pm] manda_neko Sorry, folks! This journal has gone underground! To a lot of you, this doesn't mean much-- Just make sure you're signed in to view it, is all! post comment

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